Dude Rates Movies
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Mark Wahlberg edition of the bots fighting. There is a dinosaur. A DINOSAUR. YOU ARE TEARING ME APART, MICHAEL.
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At the beginning of the movie, you have a montage that explains why the big robots were built, and why it must be piloted by a team of two. The explanation for the latter is that the machine’s power puts too big of a physical toll on a single pilot. The related exhibit is a piece of black-and-white, archive-like video, where a pilot bleeds from his nose after trying to pilot alone. This made me very mad. This is supposed to happen in the future. Why would the archives of the future be in black and white? The film deliberately decided to make it in black-and-white to gives a “archive-like” feeling to the spectator, without it making any sense since it’s supposed to be an archive in the future. This is the biggest bullshit ever.
Now, see, most of the time in the movie, the big robots defeat the bad creatures by launching missiles at them (with some sort of missile launchers above their shoulder). So why would you build giant robots when all you need are missiles that can be launched from planes or ground vehicles or boats? Well, because fuck you. This movie is the high-point of non-functional, nonsensical, stylish art. Everything about it is about resorting to clichés actions and visuals. Here is a black-and-white archive for no reason. Here are robots for no reason. It’s like children playing with toys and imitating whatever pieces of nebulous stylish thing they see on the TV without it making any sense at all. The robots are transported out of their hangar on crawlers like the crawler for the Saturn V rocket, that the director probably though was cool in Apollo 13. The point of exoskeletons is that they can fucking walk, why would you crawl them. God dammit.
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Christopher Nolan tries to package decades of science-fiction themes into a single movie. The lossy compression is quite noticeable.
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First Michael Bay’s escape of his Transformers franchise jail. The mix of comedy / action / crime genres is clearly the most suited for his style.
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After 30 minutes I started watching it in x4 speed so that I could finish it under one hour. This catalog of magic mumbo jumbo trash wasn’t worth any more of my time.
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This is funny and well-crafted overall, but it depends too much on its predecessor to really be a remarkable, stand-alone movie.
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Joke time: spiders are the only type of web developers that like to find bugs. Tssssh bam.
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I admire James Stewart’s character and the stoicism and seriousness with which he ponders the implications of marriage when the woman in question is played by Grace Kelly.
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This film has been written for the screen and directed by Andrew Niccol (Gattaca, The Truman Show, Lord of War). I can’t believe this. What the actual fuck has happened. Had someone checked on him?
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Ryan Potter, Scott Adsit, Jamie Chung
Friday 17 April 2015
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